Fifteen anniversary

The autumn's chill and briskly air outside brings me back to that horrific memory of my husband untimely death ... I miss him so much that my heart still aches. Fred, you're in my mind and my thoughts 7/24 since that darkest date of my life as I stood there held your hand and praying that God wouldn't take you away... time passes by so fast but as for me it seems like yesterday as I was sitting by your bed next to you in the hospital room in Chicago. We're talking about our future, our work, our children, and your new tavern in Spring Valley. I remember you're so excited about that bar ever since you begun to write its business plan and working toward your MBA degree at the same time. You graduated that September and didn't get a chance to attend your graduation ceremony, so on your behalf I went to Frostburg University that fall and received your diploma for you... and I remember you said that you couldn't wait to go back there (tavern) to see how well its doing. If ONLY I've known of your condition then I'd have fought back with you and hospital staffs to keep you in the hospital few more days until your poor heart is well again but I didn't know, I couldn't tell... and that same night in a blink of an eye you were gone... forever. Leaving me and the kids all alone. I still am blaming myself for not thinking clearly during those crisis moments. Life is so hard without you. You're in my heart and I love you still...

If tears could built a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken,
no time to say goodbye,
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness and
sacret tears still flow,
what it meant to love you,
no one will ever know.